let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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