I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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