I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
