I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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