No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
