I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
