i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
