better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
