We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
