I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
