Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
