Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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