My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cannot find my penis.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
