i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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