I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize