Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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