that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
