the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
