I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
