I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
