Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
