Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
