It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
