I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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