I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
