Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
