i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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