Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
