ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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