Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
