I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
