i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
