why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
