One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
