if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
