omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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