You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
