i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
