Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Who put my cat in the fridge?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
