He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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