I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
