The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
