I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
