one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
