why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
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I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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