Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
