people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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