another moral hangover. fuck.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
