So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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