I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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