My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I'm both gender and math confused
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
