i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize