So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
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I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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