i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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