So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
