It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
