I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
