we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
