the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
