This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
