You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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