I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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